Sunday, 13 August 2017

Take me Home, Country Roads

This is the problem with me blogging. Once I start talking again, you can't shut me up.

Usually this time of year, I'd be on a beach back home. But this has been a strange year. One of the ones that you'd prefer to forget. Except those few good times. Like that weird little video FaceBook does for you every once in awhile without you asking for it. And it reminds you that there were some good times.

For me, I gotta say, almost dying really shows you who your true friends are. When I was in the hospital for two weeks, I just gave up. You know how they say in those situations when you're either going to live or die it's all in your attitude? I had a 10% chance to live and my attitude sucked. I wanted it. Which is probably why I'm perfectly healthy now. Can't always get what you want. :)

But people showed up. With flowers, with books. (That's the way to my heart by the way.) Jay brought me food every day and when I got really down, he brought my dog to the hospital.

I was talking to my dad yesterday and he gave me the usual speech about how we're better off than most people and we just need to be grateful. I've heard it so many times I could just recite it in my head. He's right though. He's always right.

When I lost my last job, I had dinner plans with some friends. I showed up crying. I cried all through dinner. They were so kind to me. When I was leashing up my dog to walk home, he handed me a check. It was more than enough to cover my rent and he labelled it "your insurance". I never cashed it but I put it on the fridge to remind myself that people are good.

My best friend seems to know me better than I know myself. I wanted to go home, my cousin is getting married and I always go home in the summer. Even though I've been in the city longer than I lived in the country, as much as this is home, that's "more" home. If that makes any sense. I want to see my parents, my little brother and my grandma.

He offered to buy me a plane ticket. He was like, I know you want to go home. And you're doing your MBA. You'll get a good job and pay me back. As a Sullivan, I am proud and I refused. Same reason I never cashed that check on the fridge. He said okay. I'll put the money in this box. You use it or you don't. It's up to you.

In the end, home wins over my pride. Three weeks and I'll be driving on old country roads. Probably listening to country music and remembering that no matter how far we run off course, we can always go home and remember who we really are - who we were - who we can be.

Sullivan out.

Friday, 11 August 2017

Rabbit Hole

Did y'all miss me? I'm coming out of retirement temporarily for a couple of reasons. 1) I don't think anyone is cyber stalking me right now. 2) I haven't written anything in almost 6 months and I'm dying. 3) I'm so proud of Toronto right now I have to talk about it.

Catch CityNews last night? They did an hour long segment exposing the JWs for being a cult who shuns people. They interviewed three people who have left. One fader, one disfellowshipped and one who disassociated. (You will only understand those terms if you were in it, so let me know if you need a dictionary. I've been all three at different times.)

If you didn't see it you can catch some highlights here:

They called it "Leaving Jehovah". The US is way ahead of us, and as usual, we've had a slow start here in Canada. I've spent a lot of years feeling alone in my well-intentioned yet slightly angry public crusade against the Watchtower. These three people though, were brave enough to tell their stories and speak out.

It was accurately and well done in my opinion. Some of the discussion was very on point. "Being an apostate is the worst sin you could commit." True. I know they all think I am am very dangerous. Although the Watchtower did make a kids cartoon about how gay marriage is the equivalent of taking scissors on an airplane. So I guess they think that's pretty bad in their eyes too. Although I don't really get the analogy. They need better PR/Marketing people. If I had a gun to my head and was forced to explain to my six year old how it wasn't okay to love who you love, to have two mommies or live your life the way you wanted to, I don't think scissors on an airplane is the way I would go. But what do I know? Some of my best friends are gay. They seem more like a warm blanket and a big hug when I need them than scissors on a plane to me.

One of the other guys said he invited his JW family to his upcoming wedding. They refused to go. He said the next time they'll all be in the same room will be for a funeral. Where he will be shunned by everyone, not comforted for his loss. I believe that about my family. Then again, haven't we all had to mourn that loss already?

They talked about nightmares of Armageddon coming and dying in flames. Would've been better to live that in real life in the last Game of Thrones episode (spoiler alert!) than in your dreams. That looked like fun! I can attest to the fact that long after you stop believing, the dreams still haunt you.

I honestly, sincerely believe that it's all worth it. That we're happier being free. I don't mean to minimize anything anyone is currently going through. But isn't it better not to be brainwashed? To make your own decisions for the first time in your life? Scary as hell. But worth it.

I'm so proud of all these people for telling their stories. I never wanted to be the lone voice. I always wanted us to join forces and expose them by speaking out together. If you want to join in, you can be anonymous. Or you can show your face. Let's take these fuckers down.

Alice never would have got to wonderland, had she not fallen down the rabbit hole. Let's free fall.

Sullivan out.