He bought me this for my birthday:
So tonight I ditched the last book and started over. Here's a sneak preview. Thoughts on how it opens?
It’s always windy on the ferry but the sun feels warm on my face. It’s a beautiful day for a boat ride between PEI and Nova Scotia. I don’t want to be here. I pulled out the book Adam gave me before I left Toronto. It was his favorite. I threw it overboard. Then I took out the journal. We had exchanged notebooks so we could still talk to each other whenever we wanted to, even while we were apart. I threw that over too. I watched each book get sucked under the current and disappear.
When we were little, my mother used to tell us that the current from the moving boat was so strong that if we fell over the side, we’d get sucked right underneath and no one would be able to help us. It kept us from climbing the railings. I’m not sure if it was ever true, but it seemed to be working so far.
I was planning that the next thing to go overboard would be me. My travel bag was heavy. I could swim but I was hoping that under the weight of my bag I would just get sucked under the boat before anyone really noticed. I felt bad for my Grandma, she is always waiting so loyally on the other side for me to show up. There would be some confusion back and forth, calling my dad, asking him if I missed the boat. Until they all realized I was gone.
I was waiting to jump for a gap in between all the tourists taking pictures and people strolling around eating ice cream when someone approached me. “Are you okay dear?” she asked sweetly. I just glared at her. This was out of character for me. I’ve always been polite, a people pleaser. I just didn’t care anymore. I looked away. Why won’t she leave me alone?
She knelt down and put her hand on my shoulder. “You know, sometimes life can be very hard. Things get better though.” Stop touching me is all I could think. “I know it might not feel like that now. But you’re not alone. I love you. And I’ll be right over there if you need anything.”
Then she walked away. But she stayed there watching me the rest of the trip. I have no idea why this lovely woman would come up and say those things to the saddest, angriest, most unapproachable person on the boat. With a sigh, I realized my suicide attempt would have to wait for another day. Someone, something out there wanted me to get to the other side. And I have. It’s been a long journey though. This would not be the first or last time I almost gave up. Or the last time someone else has saved my life.
Sullivan definitely not out yet. :)