Friday, 31 August 2012

Pure Spirits

It’s been an interesting summer to say the least. Going to school at night and working at a restaurant on the weekends meant that I really didn’t have any free time. I also didn’t get my yearly vacation home to see my family, or any vacation at all basically, which might account for the insane amount of panic attacks I’ve been experiencing lately.

It’s definitely time to make a change again with the seasons. It’s starting to feel the slightest bit like fall, I put an extra blanket on my bed last night for the first time. Now it’s time to take my weekends back, get back to school and calm down.

But I had a great summer. I was insane, of course, working seven days a week, going to school and partying like I was 25 again (for the first time). The restaurant job was a necessity, and turned into being one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. I’ve had a lot of fun, met some great people, had some unusual experiences and haven’t been lonely at all. I was also able to perfect a condescending smile that is almost genuine, so customers sometimes know I’m smirking at them, but they can never quite be sure. It drives some people crazy.

This summer I also managed to make a new friend, a tall, gorgeous redhead I picked up at the dentist office. (Side point, I need to make a dentist appointment.) We hit it off on the first “date”, and have been madly in love ever since. She’s fun and fiercely loyal and thinks I’m adorable.

About the boys. There have been a few. “The Kid” was a sweetheart. I somehow accidentally managed to pick up a beautiful 25 year old, not quite sure how. I think I bummed a smoke and then tried to kiss him at the bar. We’ve become friends of sorts, he’s someone I can count on for a big hug or a sweet kiss, lots of laughs and the occasional crashing on my couch.

The American surprised me. Turns out being a lawyer and ex-army doesn’t preclude them also being the nicest boyfriend you ever had. Although I tried my best to push him away once he started to get in, he saw it for what it was, accepted me for who I am and held me closer. Logistically, that didn’t work out once he left, but having someone who still texts you “Mornin’ Sunshine” every day is not a bad thing. :)

As much as I’m trying to keep an open mind and heart, as usual, there were a couple of people who reminded me that you should take things slow and let people prove themselves before giving away too much. Not everyone you meet is actually well intentioned and trustworthy. Lesson learned. Again. But I think the heart of people and life is essentially good regardless. “Experience” is a better word than “mistake”.

Fall is almost here. I’m excited for leaves turning color, wearing sweaters, going to hot yoga…and change. Instead of terrifying me, I find it strangely exciting now. And what better way to kick off a new season than a trip to my favorite city with the cutest girlfriend on the planet. NYC here we come!

“Seasons change. People come into your life and then they go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you really love are always in your heart, and if you’re very lucky, only a plane ride away.”

Monday, 20 August 2012

A Little Sad

Feels like fall these days. It's probably too soon for it, but I like the cooler weather and the crisp nights. Walking home from work tonight, I should have had a sweater. But fall is my favorite season, maybe because it's a little sad, like me. Things dying and all.

It's been a great summer. Sleep-deprived, with too much work and too much drinking, but great nonetheless. Although it is the first summer I can ever remember when I didn't go home. Maybe I'll go soon. I could use a few hugs and some facetime with my family.

The introduction of the American definitely made things more interesting. Kevin is a great guy, easy to be around, smart, honest, fun and completely well-adjusted. Not something I'm used to in meeting the 30-somethings that are still single out there.

Maybe that's one of the reasons he scared the shit out of me. Always talking about getting me my green card and shipping me off to the states. I'm not ready for that yet. Having only recently re-begun really living life after a three year hiatus, I have a very vested interest in Toronto at the moment.

Or maybe I'm just not ready for anything serious, my first priority at the moment is my relationship with myself. And not being able to trust in that yet, how can I trust in someone else? We're making progress though, me and Margaux. I'm trying to be more patient with her. She's trying. We'll get there.

Kevin and I broke up tonight. It was one of the easiest, nicest, most uncomplicated break ups I've ever had. He is truly a gentleman. It's just bad timing, complicated logistics. You never know what the future will bring.

But it makes me a little sad.